Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Mornings and why I dont mind being Sick

This week is National Invisible Illness week, so I wanted to continue to support this by sharing a little bit more of myself.

Being sick is not something I would have chosen for myself. Of course not. Who would? But while I wouldn't choose this, I do try to accept it and live the best that I can. I struggle daily. Really, really struggle. I get up....no wait, that sounds too easy. I lay in bed and pray my body will support myself if and when I roll out of bed. After that painful (not at all graceful) roll I try desperately to stand up straight. Nope. Didn't happen today, yesterday or any day in the foreseeable future. So there I stand, hunched over waiting to see if I can manage that first step. That first step is nearly indescribable. Between EVERY joint being stiff and sore and EVERY muscle screaming in pain with the slightest movement....each and every one of those steps is a big event. But thankfully I can hold onto the door knob and then the bathroom counter to give myself support and make it to the toilet. Aaahh....sitting again. Guess what happens next? Yep....up I go, hunched over and hanging on to stuff for dear life. At this point I can see what type of day I will have. Some days after that initial battle of getting out of bed and then off the toilet I will start to loosen up. The pain will ease. I said EASE, not go away. The pain is a constant part of my life now. Good days are judged by less pain......Bad days, of course, depend on how bad my pain and fatigue are. Anyway, back to what I was saying....at this point I can see if my body is planning to cooperate or not. When it does, I have the "luxury" of being able to get breakfast for the boys AND clean up the kitchen afterwards. Yeah....most days aren't like that. Most days are closer to the Bad end of the spectrum and I can only manage to dish out some cold cereal or honeybun before I hobble to the couch. Maybe later I can get up and get those breakfast dishes done....and maybe not. I am learning to be OK with this, because I HAVE to be OK with this. It isn't going away......ever.
This was an example of a typical morning for me. The day does not get much better. Some days are.....and some are WAY worse. Hubby has found me on the top step crying my eyes out because I physically could not move another inch. The pain was too intense. My muscles were so weak. I just couldn't do it. Unfortunately my life is starting to be filled with more and more of these days. Even with new meds and treatments, I still struggle. I don't cry like I used to, I know that crying leads to headaches and that wont help anything.
What I have done is to trust God. I trust God that this is his plan. This is what He wants for me, and I need to find his Grace in it. I could speculate on how or why. I could complain that God doesn't love me. I could turn away from God.
But I don't. And I won't....EVER. Because I know God. I love Him and He loves me. I find comfort in praying, in reading the Bible and in talking with other "sick" people. I do NOT get mad.....or ask WHY ME?!? The real question is Why Not Me?? Maybe I am sick because it has brought me closer to Jesus. In fact I believe that....that one reason I am sick is because God knew it would bring me closer to Him. And I wouldn't change that.
2 Corinthians 7:10 The kind of sorrow that God wants makes people change their hearts and lives. This leads to salvation, and you cannot be sorry for that.
Illness happens. You can't pick or choose. You can't opt-out. But you can be Thankful that you are who you are, and that God is with you no matter what your situation is. He gives Peace, all you have to do is ask for it.
I asked and I received. Thank you Jesus!

9 comments:

Mom said...

This really gives everyone an idea of how sick you really are so they can pray for you. I am so glad you Love God and trust him enough to deal with your illness. You can look around and always see someone who is worse than you and know that God will only give you what you can handle. Thanks for this great post.

Frogs in my formula said...

I'm sorry to read you are sick. I wish I had something more profound to say. Your Faith is really inspiring.

Blog Stalker said...

Your faith is inspiring. Good vibes and prayers coming your way!

Have a great(better) day!

EmmaP said...

sometimes - when i was sick- i just got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Proverbs 3:5-6 has been a favorite of mine and learning to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not unto my own understanding and in all my ways acknowledge Him for He shall direct my paths is waaaay easier said than done. thanks for sharing your faith.

Alice in Wonderland said...

Thank you so much for sharing this, Denise. Your Mother is so right when she says that God will never send anymore than we can handle.
Stay strong, and know that a lot of people are with you and praying for you.
Big Hugs, and many blessings.

Mimi said...

Awesome post. I had not heard that bible verse before, so I copied it down.

Gentle hugs & love to you!

M-Cat said...

I love that "You can't opt-out".

I've wishing for that for too long. I need to suck it up now don't I, and remember that I am not alone.

Soft Hugs to All: Laurie D. said...

I am so sorry you feel this way, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I feel exactly the way you do in the morning. It takes a little while for my body to loosen up, then I can determine what kind of day I am going to have. It also sounds like we have the same morning routine. I try to roll out of bed, grab onto the nightstand, then the tall burea, then the door knob, the wall and then the bathroom door until I am finally sitting again. Dreading for the point when I have to get up again. I also have great faith in God. I didn't ask him why I have this, I asked him what it is he wants me to do with it. The answer I recieved was to get the word out there, so people who are in the same boat will not feel so alone, and also to help raise awareness of this illness because of how we are treated by other people when we tell them we have fibro. I blog for God. Going off topic for a moment. How did you add the fibromyalgia gif to your side bar? Whenever I try to add something to my sidebar, I lose the things that I already have there.
Soft Hugs to you,
Laurie D.

Teresa said...

Bravo!!! What an excellent job of describing what we go thru. I think, eventually, I'll try to do this on our blog.
Also, I wanted to share with you MY favorite verse and what helps me get thru.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me. Bless His holy name. Bless the Lord O my soul and FORGET NOT ALL HIS BENEFITS." Psalm 103:1-2
At least I think this is the reference. I'm foggy this morning, so I'm not completely sure!! Sorry!
I may have fibro, but God has sure been good to this old sinner saved by grace!
Hope you have a decent day and can get done what you need to.
Teresa

About Me

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Im a Christian Stay at home mom...that means I am a professional multi-tasker and I give all the credit to Jesus. I am married to my best friend and have 3 wonderful sons. God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, But he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.

More about Me....

Here are some posts that explain about my illnesses

Health Class 101

Things you need to know

Mornings and Why I don't mind being sick