This week is National Invisible Illness week, so I wanted to continue to support this by sharing a little bit more of myself.
Being sick is not something I would have chosen for myself. Of course not. Who would? But while I wouldn't choose this, I do try to accept it and live the best that I can. I struggle daily. Really, really struggle. I get up....no wait, that sounds too easy. I lay in bed and pray my body will support myself if and when I roll out of bed. After that painful (not at all graceful) roll I try desperately to stand up straight. Nope. Didn't happen today, yesterday or any day in the foreseeable future. So there I stand, hunched over waiting to see if I can manage that first step. That first step is nearly indescribable. Between EVERY joint being stiff and sore and EVERY muscle screaming in pain with the slightest movement....each and every one of those steps is a big event. But thankfully I can hold onto the door knob and then the bathroom counter to give myself support and make it to the toilet. Aaahh....sitting again. Guess what happens next? Yep....up I go, hunched over and hanging on to stuff for dear life. At this point I can see what type of day I will have. Some days after that initial battle of getting out of bed and then off the toilet I will start to loosen up. The pain will ease. I said EASE, not go away. The pain is a constant part of my life now. Good days are judged by less pain......Bad days, of course, depend on how bad my pain and fatigue are. Anyway, back to what I was saying....at this point I can see if my body is planning to cooperate or not. When it does, I have the "luxury" of being able to get breakfast for the boys AND clean up the kitchen afterwards. Yeah....most days aren't like that. Most days are closer to the Bad end of the spectrum and I can only manage to dish out some cold cereal or honeybun before I hobble to the couch. Maybe later I can get up and get those breakfast dishes done....and maybe not. I am learning to be OK with this, because I HAVE to be OK with this. It isn't going away......ever.
This was an example of a typical morning for me. The day does not get much better. Some days are.....and some are WAY worse. Hubby has found me on the top step crying my eyes out because I physically could not move another inch. The pain was too intense. My muscles were so weak. I just couldn't do it. Unfortunately my life is starting to be filled with more and more of these days. Even with new meds and treatments, I still struggle. I don't cry like I used to, I know that crying leads to headaches and that wont help anything.
What I have done is to trust God. I trust God that this is his plan. This is what He wants for me, and I need to find his Grace in it. I could speculate on how or why. I could complain that God doesn't love me. I could turn away from God.
But I don't. And I won't....EVER. Because I know God. I love Him and He loves me. I find comfort in praying, in reading the Bible and in talking with other "sick" people. I do NOT get mad.....or ask WHY ME?!? The real question is Why Not Me?? Maybe I am sick because it has brought me closer to Jesus. In fact I believe that....that one reason I am sick is because God knew it would bring me closer to Him. And I wouldn't change that.
2 Corinthians 7:10 The kind of sorrow that God wants makes people change their hearts and lives. This leads to salvation, and you cannot be sorry for that.
Illness happens. You can't pick or choose. You can't opt-out. But you can be Thankful that you are who you are, and that God is with you no matter what your situation is. He gives Peace, all you have to do is ask for it.
I asked and I received. Thank you Jesus!
- Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys
- Im a Christian Stay at home mom...that means I am a professional multi-tasker and I give all the credit to Jesus. I am married to my best friend and have 3 wonderful sons. God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, But he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.