Summer so far....

I have been MIA from reading and writing blogs. Life is crazy. Good stuff and Bad stuff has been going on and I wanted to get you caught up. Most importantly my Mom has been in the hospital for over 3 weeks. She has been in and out of ICU several times and has come very close to death on 3 occasions. We are so blessed to still have her with us. She was moved out of ICU into a regular room yesterday and we are all praying she is on the road to healing. Next in line is my Dad, he was also in the hospital. With Mom not home to care for him he had a bad fall. Ok, it actually several bad falls in a row because he kept trying to get up. He ended up with a concussion, 2 broken ribs (broken in half...not fractured....ouch!), bruised collarbones, messed up knee, etc. He basically hurt everything. Yesterday he was discharged from the hospital to a rehab to start his recovery. We are hoping that Mom will be well enough to join him at the rehab soon....and that they can share a room there until they are both well enough to go home.

A few weeks ago my oldest son graduated High School. Yes I am THAT old. Ugh. He is a smart BRILLIANT, handsome, honest, hard-working, young man. I am so proud of him and can't wait to see what the next stage of his life has to offer. He will be going away to college in the fall and majoring in Organic Chemistry. Yeah.....he didn't get his brains from me =D

We added a new member to our household. This is my new baby girl Molly. We got her last Monday and she is totally and completely spoiled already. I love her like crazy and she is filling our days with smiles and laughter. I would say she is perfect except she keeps peeing behind the chair. And she is allergic to beef. We found that out the hard way....ugh.

Hubby has been working like crazy. They are short-handed at work and have him running ragged. I'm not the smartest person in the world but if I had a company I would make sure that more than 4 or 5 people knew how to do each job. But what do I know! lol


We went on our first camping trip of the season. The weather was great, the campground was great.....but both R and J ended up with Pinkeye and couldn't swim for several days. Thankfully they handled that disappointment very well. Other highlights of the week were winning 2 rounds at candy bar bingo and going to see Toy Story 3D. It was the very first time they had seen a movie in a movie theater and they loved it. The movie was great and seeing it in 3D was pretty cool.


So what's new with you? Are you having a good summer so far??

Anyone else ever felt like this??

Almost everyday my husband bugs me about something. He wants to know if I have gone to the bank yet and if I have paid some bills yet. Everyday I say "not yet". The banking and bills belong to Poppop. I haven't done anything with his things since he passed. The checks are sitting here, the pictures we got together for his service, his flag, his bills, his clothes, EVERYTHING is still sitting exactly where they were 6 weeks ago.

Is this normal? I don't really know. But I can say that I understand why people leave their kids rooms exactly how they were. If you don't handle those things, if you don't finalize stuff...then part of them is still with us. I am probably weird, but that is exactly how I feel. If I go to the bank, show them his death certificate, deposit his checks and pay his bills....then I will lose another part of him.

Today I am going to force myself to gather up his banking and do that, hopefully without crying. No promises when I will take care of the clothes, pictures, etc. Right now I'm taking baby-steps.

Chore Chart

Summer is coming. J's last day of school is in about 3 weeks and I have big plans for the boys. For starters we are most likely moving them back into the same bedroom then making R's room into their playroom. I am hoping this will decrease the messiness from the boys. Hopefully. Next up on the list is making chore charts for the boys. I am looking to the blogging community for help.....please give me ideas of age appropriate jobs for a 6 and 4 year old. Right now J knows how to vacuum, sweep, take out trash and recycle, and pick up. R can sweep with a dustpan, help empty the silverware out of the dishwasher, and pick up. I plan to include making their beds each morning, cleaning their room and playroom too. Any other ideas?!?

What are your plans for your kids this summer??

Answered Prayers

God blessed me in a BIG way....head over to my other blog to see how!

Want some?!?

I love Strawberry season in the great state of NJ!!!!!!

A HUGE Favor

I am reaching out to my Blog friends to please come together in prayer.....I need your help. Please read about it HERE at my other blog.

I love you all! Thank you!!!

Blanket

Someone at the nursing home had given Poppop a handmade crochet blanket. It laid on his bed and he used it to keep warm on many occasions. That blanket was over him the day he passed away. The next morning when we went to the Funeral Home they gave me the blanket. I hugged it all the way home and for a long time afterwards. Now that blanket is in my bedroom.

After being with Poppop at the end I couldn't help but wonder about all the people who pass away in nursing homes all alone. So many have no visitors or family. I said to hubby that I wish I could do something for them, but with the boys being young I can't spend time with them like some of them need. The next best thing I could think of was to start crocheting blankets. I learned to crochet when I was a kid but it has been so long that I forgot. But thanks to Youtube I re-learned and am now working on my first lap blanket. I plan to make plenty of them to give to the residents of the nursing home.

Today J asked what I was doing and I told him about my plan. I said some of the people there don't have family to visit and I hope that the blankets will cheer them up. J said " So that means that now with Poppop in Heaven we will get a new one from the nursing home?"

Um.....no. But I guess it was a sweet thought.

Mess

Sorry. My blog is still a mess. A real mess. I CANNOT figure out how to fix it aside from moving all my sidebars to the bottom. Which isnt really a "cure" but at least now the ppl using I.E. can view it. If anyone out there is a blog genius and thinks they can help PLEASE contact me.


Anyhoo...... I am asking you to please join me over at my new blog. My new blood, sweat and tears blog. The one where I tell my secrets and bare my soul. Yeah....it's a little painful but it is something I need to do. So please humor me and head over there......CLICK HERE

Of all the things I have lost....I miss my Mind the most

I hope everyone had a great Mothers Day weekend! My boys woke me up yesterday morning to give me a card and chocolate....and we had gone to lunch the day before, so I had an awesome Mothers Day.Saturday we took my parents to the airport but it wasn't as hard to say goodbye this time because they will be back in a month for C's high school graduation. I still have a hard time believing my first baby is old enough to graduate. But I am so proud of him! He did awesome in HS, and got accepted into several colleges. I am so thankful that he chose one that is close to home (that's the Mom in me not wanting my baby to go far away, lol) His will be majoring in Organic Chemistry......and believe me, he did NOT get his brains from me.

OK, here is the part where I tell you the incredibly dumb thing I did this weekend. I had gotten an invitation to a home party for 6pm on Saturday. I took a shower, got dressed and drove to my friends house. Only her and her husbands cars were there so I immediately figured I had screwed up. But I pulled into the driveway and got out anyway. Her husband was working in the garage so I started talking with him while their son when to get her. Of course she was clueless about a party....she wasn't having one, not even on a different day. Crap! So I apologized and we all laughed. Then I headed home embarrassed and certain that I have lost my mind.
(I found my invite after I got home and saw that it was actually my sister in law who was having the party.....I hope she isn't upset that I didn't show up)

So what did you do for Mother's Day weekend??

And please go check out my new blog

AND stop over to Ca-Joh's blog to help celebrate his 300th post.....HERE

I need help fixing my blog.....anybody?!? Please?!?!???1?

My blog is screwy. Everytime I look at it, it frustrated me even more. My middle and right columns show up BELOW my left hand column. Does ANYONE out there know why that is? Or how to fix it?? Please help me!?!


Even if you can't help me fix it you can still do this.......visit my new "other" blog. 

Thanks!!

My new normal

This is the first time I have felt like blogging. Life is settling down, returning to normal. Not exactly normal, but a "new" normal. This new normal includes lots of reality checks. I find myself going through my day and still including Poppop in my thoughts and plans. Like the other day when I rode past the ice cream stand and thought that I should get a strawberry shake for Poppop.....then corrected myself. It's like I forget for a split-second.......only a split-second. Is that normal? I start to plan my day thinking that I need to head up to the nursing home first, then remember that I never have to go back again. Does anyone else do that?!? How long before I don't include Poppop in my everyday life??

My parents are still here with me, which is awesome. They have been a big help to me. They help with the kids and with household chores. Most of all its nice to have them here just so they are here. You know, when you lose someone you love you want to pull your other loved ones closer.
The boys are doing well adjusting. They know that Poppop is in Heaven with Jesus. I'm really glad my kids can understand that and be comforted by it. God definitely set things in motion within the last year to provide us with what we needed to get through this loss. He has given me a new church family and new friends that are here for me in amazing ways.
So that's it.....my new normal, which looks a whole lot like the old normal. Its just empty in a few spots.

the blog where I whine and cry

People keep asking me how I am doing. I keep politely telling them that I am OK, or that I'm hanging in there. Want to know the truth? I am not OK. I want to throw a temper tantrum. I want to kick and scream and yell and scream. I WANT HIM BACK!  I know I am selfish but I want him back. I want one more day, one more hug, one more kiss. I want him to tell me he loves me one more time. To show me that ornery grin one more time. Or maybe a hundred more times. Everyone says it is OK, he isn't in pain anymore. I know he isn't, I know he is peaceful and happy and looking down on me.

But right now I want him back. I WANT HIM BACK!!!!!!

Rest in Peace Poppop, Rest in Peace

I lost my Poppop on Wednesday. He went home to be with Jesus. I was able to be with him for the last day of his life, and I sat with him and held his hand the whole time. It was a blessing and a heartbreak all wrapped into one. He was such a huge part of my life and I dont think anything or anyone will ever be able to fill that void. Thank you Poppop for being so good to me. I was certainly blessed by having you in my life.

Young Momma is.......

The blogging community never ceases to amaze me. The friends that I have met are such a blessing. One of my very first bloggy friends was Young Momma. For about a 18 months I have "known" her, we have shared, laughed and probably cried for each other. But all this time I never even knew her name.....but guess what?!? She is coming out of the blog closet! She just posted her first Vlog....and it is all about her charity Kim's Angels. Think Jay + St.Baldricks, but pretty (sorry Jay!)

So go now! Check out her newest post, watch her Vlog and check out Kim's Angels and see how they are raising money for Cancer research.

Where is that darn switch?!?

I really don't have anything important to say....but I feel like I should blog anyway. I seem to have gotten away from my old blog habits, reading and writing often. Part of that is because my life is busier now. I'm not sure if you are anything like me but when I have a lot going on in my life, I get very ADD-ish (no offense to ADD patients). I often feel like I can't concentrate, or focus on one topic. The thoughts and ideas I have are all floating around and banging into each other in my brain....all trying to be the first in line. That is exactly how I have been lately. There are only two things that calm my brain down enough to allow me to fall asleep at night. Xanax and reading. Not that all these thoughts are bad thoughts, or that I am upset...sometimes the info is useless shopping lists and goofy stuff.

Is anyone else like this? Anyone else need to read at night or do something else to get their brains to "shut off"??

A Comforting verse

I have a new Bible that I use to complement my NIV Bible. The new one is a Parallel Study Bible. It has 3 versions plus a study bible all listed together. Each 2 page spread lists the exact same verses and you can read them side by side to compare....then read the Study Bible column for a deeper explanation. I LOVE it! I waited and saved my money for awhile to get this book and I am happier than I thought I would be.....but this isn't a blog post about my Bible, it is about a verse I read.
Let me back up a bit. I read a Daily Bible, which gives me part of the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs every day. I read through the whole Bible last year and then started over again on Jan 1. Aside from that daily reading I also try to read in my NIV and my new Bible. Some days I expand on what I read in the daily Bible, sometimes it has to do with the sermon I heard on Sunday and recently I started to re-read Revelations. (Stay with me Mom....you will want to hear this). Revelations is scary the first time you read it and even more so the second time. But it doesn't have to be scary.....because I found a verse that will take all that fear away....

Revelation 3:10
Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth. NKJV

This means that if we are Christians, TRUE Christians, then we have nothing at all to worry about. The Lord will protect us during those times. Awesome, right?! I love that the Lord can always show us something new in His word, right when we need it.

Weekend/Parents

Hubby took the cover off the camper yesterday and we slept in it last night. The boys were so excited, especially R because this was his first time sleeping on the top bunk. He felt like he was all grown up. From now on the boys have to take turns sleeping on the top bunk. J was NOT happy about this, I guess it felt like a demotion to him, lol Opening the camper is like our family's official start of spring. It feels good and it makes us excited for the warm weather. As much as we all love our camping trips in the backyard we love our "real" camping trips even more.....and we can't wait for the first one. Hurry up Summertime!

My parents arrived safely in Florida today. They are exhausted but happy to be there. My niece is spending the week with them and helping them unpack.

And speaking of my parents, tomorrow is their Anniversary.

Happy Anniversary to the BEST Parents EVER!!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Leave some comment love for Mom & Dad...Thanks!

I'm NO Doctor BUT......

I went to a new doctor today, an ortho. He was supposed to be checking my lower back, my hips, etc. No lie....the man had me undress, get into a gown, bend down like I was going to touch my toes, roll my head around then had me lay flat on the exam table. He grabbed my right foot, flexed it, bent my knee and pushed it towards the other leg. Then did the same with my left foot and leg. That's it. Seriously.
I am not a doctor and other than taking Anatomy/Physiology 1, I have no medical knowledge but I can GUESS that if you are examining a persons back and hips you need to physically SEE them and touch them!!!

At least that is what this uneducated patient thinks.

Ugh.

Tuesday rambling

I don't blog as often as I used to. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Good because I have some other things to do now that take up my time and bad because I miss it. I have been busy with Poppop, with daily work, the kids, etc. On top of all that I haven't been feeling well. My meds are not working very well. I went to my Rheumatologist visit last week. He said my blood work is showing increased inflammation and my joints are swollen. Duh! Thats what happens when you take half my Methotrexate away. So he increased my meth up to 6 a week and will be doing lots of blood work to watch my liver levels. If they increase again then we have to go in a different direction with my treatment. I may go back on Enbrel or I might try something completely new. He also changed my Percocet to Percodan, because the Percocet has Tylenol in it and that is bad for my liver.
I have several friends and family members who have been all but screaming at me that I need to find a pain management doctor. I know that I should. But there is a part of me that hates the idea. Goofy, right?

Poppop is doing OK. He is stable and comfortable. Each day his mental status is different and we never know what to expect. Hubby and the boys went with me after church on Easter Sunday to see him. Unfortunately he was having a bad day and could barely stay awake. I just hope that he was happy on the inside to see us.

I treated myself the other day. I stopped in a Christian book store and found some clearance books for the boys, a tshirt and ring for me. I LOVE my new ring. It is a mobius ring and it has this verse on it... Do Not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Phil 4:6
I am facing a few trials and this ring will be a physical reminder to hand these trials over to God and to trust he will do what is best.

I hope that everyone is enjoying this beautiful spring day!

Today....the good and the bad

This morning we went to the egg hunt at our church. The boys had a great time and got lots of eggs filled with candy, stickers and toys. The church did a Bible lesson and played games too. Then they served pizza for lunch. Afterwards we went to a couple stores and then home. Me and the boys took naps and Hubby has spent all afternoon working in the yard. The weather is beautiful and aside from one thing I couldn't ask for a better day.

That one thing is pain. My pain level is through the roof this afternoon.....even after taking percocet I am still in severe pain. I know I did too much, and I know it is partially my fault. But I still want to whine a bit.....just so I don't whine to the family. We still have to have dinner (leftover chicken enchiladas and fresh baked beer bread) and dye Easter Eggs.

Tomorrow morning we will have breakfast, the boys will hunt for eggs in the backyard and then we will go to Church to celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus! After church we will go visit Poppop (I got him some Easter balloons....he loves balloons) and then to my Mother in laws for Easter dinner. I know it will be a great day.

I hope you have a wonderful Easter too....and I hope you take at least a few minutes to praise the Lord and thank Him for giving us hope in our lives.