Friday, June 4, 2010

Anyone else ever felt like this??

Almost everyday my husband bugs me about something. He wants to know if I have gone to the bank yet and if I have paid some bills yet. Everyday I say "not yet". The banking and bills belong to Poppop. I haven't done anything with his things since he passed. The checks are sitting here, the pictures we got together for his service, his flag, his bills, his clothes, EVERYTHING is still sitting exactly where they were 6 weeks ago.

Is this normal? I don't really know. But I can say that I understand why people leave their kids rooms exactly how they were. If you don't handle those things, if you don't finalize stuff...then part of them is still with us. I am probably weird, but that is exactly how I feel. If I go to the bank, show them his death certificate, deposit his checks and pay his bills....then I will lose another part of him.

Today I am going to force myself to gather up his banking and do that, hopefully without crying. No promises when I will take care of the clothes, pictures, etc. Right now I'm taking baby-steps.


Kristina P. said...

I definitely think it's normal. I don't think there's a right or a wrong way to grieve. Take your time.

M-Cat said...

Work on your own schedule and take baby steps. once you get the "first" of one of these things done, you'll be able to move to the next.


MiMi said...

I'm going to say that I think it's normal.
Usually when a grandparent or older relative passes in my family, my parents rush through to get everything done. Like the sooner they get it done, the sooner they can get past it...?
I don't know.
But, if I was you, I think I'd drag my feet too.
And, it's your right. Do what you NEED to do.
Praying for you.

EmmaP said...

funny how men think they are being "encouraging" sometimes!!! hahaha!

Yes. I would guess this is completely normal. Don't get me wrong, I haven't experienced death. But I had 2 times in my life in which I was stuck like this.

At christmastime, I used to put up 2 trees. the one in the family room downstairs is where all of the kids ornaments hung -- all of the ones they have made and received over the years. In our living room is the "formal" tree. This is the one I decorate by themes or colors each year. It is something that is my own little tradition every year. Anyway, Christmas '07 is what I refer to as the "divorce Christmas". He was still living here, but in the basement, and did not want to move out until the divorce was final. things were very stressful at our house. the divorce was final just after christmas. I ended up not cleaning his old room out NOR taking the family room tree down for an ENTIRE YEAR. It was like, I didn't want to admit that part about my life; that I had failed at my marriage.

Fast forward to the next year. I had been dating big-d and fell for him pretty hard and fast. Christmas was fabulous that year... then we broke up right after christmas. My living room "happy tree" was still up. Finally in March, my mother came to visit and said, "we're putting your trees away" (cuz the one downstairs was still up from the previous year). So in this case, I loved the holidays and by putting away "my" tree, it was like I was going to forget my lovely holiday with Big-D.

moving on is hard and painful sometimes. I know how hard it was for me, so I can only imagine that it must be 100 times harder with death. Hang in there, hun... praying for ya!

Missy said...

It is very normal. Everyone moves at different paces when it comes to this. My SIL's haven't touched anything in their mother's room and it has been four months...

WhisperingWriter said...

It is normal. Just take your time.

Rochelle said...

awww {{hugs}}

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