Waiting

For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for Him to help them.

Isaiah 30:18

This is me today. Waiting. Waiting for relief. Even my percocet isn't helping much today. I spent most of my day laying on the couch. The rest of it laying in bed. I am not going to try and explain my pain, it wouldn't help and you wouldn't understand.

How about instead of understanding you just send a few prayers my way? Please?!?

Today is one of those days when it is hard to stay focused on God. Really Hard. And even though I want to....I find myself feeling negative thoughts. No matter how faithful you are, pain will do that to you. So then I feel pain AND guilt.

I know I will get through today. And tomorrow could be the same, better or worse. I will just deal with that tomorrow. Right now I am doing all I can, which is basically breathing and blinking. And typing....but not for much longer.

Thanks in advance for your prayers!

Wendy Loves Me!!!

Look!!!

Wendy gave me this awesome and VERY pretty award....cool, huh?!?

So now I have to list 10 things about me....and trying to find ten things about me that I have ALREADY told you is hard. But I'm going to try.....

1. I can't sleep if my feet are covered with a blanket or sheet. I honestly feel like I am suffocating if they are under the covers. My dad is like this too, so I know I'm not completely alone on this.

2. I have a brother. Did I ever tell you that before? We never got along growing up and we still aren't close. But since he lives really far away and we basically only talk on the computer or by texting, we get along just fine now =D Love you Jeff!!

3. My hubby eats bread with peanut butter whenever he has vegetable soup. GROSS!! I know this isn't technically about ME...but it grosses me out so that makes it about me.

4. Roast Turkey (or chicken) with stuffing and gravy is my MOST FAVORITE MEAL. But it has to be bread stuffing. I wont eat that crap with fruit, nuts or oysters in it. Just bread, onions and celery!

5. I don't really like Chocolate ice cream. I know...Shocker! right? I would rather have vanilla with chunks of chocolate or whatever. Its not like I wont eat it...but I would rather it be at least mixed with vanilla ice cream.

6. I had 2 iguanas, a snake, a many guinea pigs growing up. Plus cats and dogs. I love pets! I named all my iguanas "Bobo" and I never had more than one at a time.

7. I would rather drink water than soda or juice. I hate carbonation and don't like how juice makes you feel even more thirsty. At least I feel that way after juice.

8. I collect Boyd's bears (plush). I lost count a long time ago.

9. I snore.....bad. that's all I am saying about that.

10. I don't pee my pants anymore since I had my surgery in August....Yay!!

So there you go....even more useless information about me. I hope you enjoyed it!

Now I need to pick some very deserving bloggers to pass this award along to....

Rebecca at Knit by God's Hand

Amy at Amy's Awesome Nest

Georgie at Decisionally Challenged

The Girl with Flour in her hair at Peeling an Orange with a Screwdriver

Missy at Is it Just Me??

2010 Get to know you Meme

My head is empty of all blog ideas so I stole this from M-Cat.....I'm sure she wont mind.

Welcome to the new 2010 edition of Getting to Know Your Family and Friends: The Blogger Version. Make sure you comment and let me know you're playing!

What's your occupation right now? Official Title: Mom. Plain and simple.

What color are your socks right now? White. Very, very white because I bought them yesterday.

What was the last thing you ate? Butterscotch Krimpet Tastykake

Can you drive a stick shift? Yes. I had 2 cars with stick in my life. I LOVED driving stick, it is so much fun.

Last person you spoke to on the phone? Hubby

Do you like the person who sent this to you? Well, no one sent it to me but I really do like the person I stole it from =D

How old are you today? old enough to have a High School senior. Ugh. I am 38.

What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Nascar....don't judge!

What is your favorite drink? water or decaf iced tea...NO LEMON!!

Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, ever since I was about 13 or 14 years old.

Favorite food? Chocolate and Cheese...but not together.

What is the last movie you watched? I went to the movies to see New Moon with Amy in December. The last movie I watched at home was Cloverfield and I watched that with Hubby.

Favorite day of the year? Thanksgiving

How do you vent anger? Call my Mom or Amy and vent. Or cry in the shower.

What was your favorite toy as a child? I was a Barbie girl...I had Barbie everything!

What is your favorite season? Spring....it is beautiful, warm (not too hot) and we open up the camper.

Cherries or blueberries? I like both, but would probably pick Cherries

Living situation? Living at home with Hubby and my two youngest boys. My oldest moved to his dad's house a couple years ago.

When was the last time you cried? I ALMOST cried on Friday when I left my doctors appt.

What’s on the floor of your closet right now? There is a floor in there?!?! Really?

What did you do last night? Dropped the boys off at God Squad (youth group) and went to my new Bible study group. Then came home and watched TV with Hubby.

What are you most afraid of? My kids getting sick....Autoimmune diseases are hereditary so this is a constant worry for me.

Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? extra cheese please!!!

Favorite dog breed? English Bulldogs (had 2 growing up) and Boxers (ours died in 2002)

Favorite day of the week? Sunday

How many states have you lived in? 3....Delaware, NJ and Massachusetts

Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds!!....does anyone really LIKE pearls?

What is your favorite flower? Sunflowers

Which of your friends in this distribution list have you had the longest? This didn't come from an email so I will say that the bloggy friend I have known the longest would be Amy.


Now - feel free to play along! I'd like to know more about each of you!




I also want to let everyone know that I put WV back on my comments because I was getting several spammers comments.....I didn't know what else to do. Anyone else know how to get rid of them besides word verification??

Tuesday nonsense

Hi Bloggy Friends! I hope everyone is doing well and is healthy. I don't really have anything important to write about but I wanted to write something.

I will start with this little gem. Hubby came home from work last night, ate dinner and then got on the computer. He set his FB status to say what he had for dinner because it was SO good.
And yes, I MADE that dinner. Even if he didn't tell ME how much he enjoyed it...I got the message loud and clear. Thanks Hubby!!

My friend Amy's Dad needs prayers. He is going for a cardiac cath on Thursday. They know he needs some kind of treatment and the cath will give them a better idea what he needs. Please say some prayers for his healing and for the whole family to have peace during this hard time.

I feel like I am coming down with a cold. That by itself isn't too bad. I can handle that....a little Nyquil and I'm all set. The problem is that my body doesn't handle new stuff well......which means that it is already reeling from missing my Methotrexate a few days ago and now it is fighting a cold. Not good. I am in so much pain and so weak I can barely move off the couch. I did manage to throw dinner in the crockpot. Now I am counting down the minutes until R's nap time. I hope to sleep until J gets home and then continue to rest on the couch. I have pain meds available to me but I don't like to take them during the day. I am tired enough without them and I am always afraid I might fall asleep or miss something. So I will just curl up and wait until bedtime for my pain meds. Ugh.


C is a senior in High School. This is his last year on the Robotics team (not a HS team, a regional team but after HS they have to become mentors and not actually compete). In a couple months they will be going to upstate NY for a big competition. We have NEVER been able to go. This year I am all but begging Hubby to find a way for us to go. This is it.... His senior year. His last year to compete. Our last year to go to this event to cheer them on. Hubby is trying his best to find a way. I will let you know if this works out for us.

Hmmmmm.....I cant think of any more nonsense to write about. I'm not sure if that is because life is pretty boring right now or because I am so tired. Either way I'm done. Its nap time.



Bye!!!

Liver, Methotrexate and listening to my own advice

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

I have been trying my best to accept things that happen as God's will. To be ok and to KNOW that God has a plan. It is not my place to ask questions. I am just supposed to lean on Him.
OK God....I am leaning. Help me to not doubt. To not question. To not wonder. To give it all up to you. Help me please. Amen.

Friday I went to see my Rheumatologist. If you have followed me for awhile you will remember last spring when I came off the Enbrel for a few months so I could start on the Methotrexate. This was my Rheumys idea. He thought my PCP jumped into the Enbrel too soon. I did it. I had several BAD months. It took nearly 6 months of building up the Methotrexate in my system along with SEVERAL dosage increases to get where I was starting to feel better. To notice a difference. It didn't "fix" me, but it helped. And believe me.....any help is a good thing. When I saw him on friday he told me that the Methotrexate is hurting my liver. And he told me to SKIP my next dose.....have bloodwork next weekend and then resume on the Methotrexate at HALF doses.

Really? REALLY? I know I can't risk damaging my liver. But I also know that a lower dosage doesn't help me. Maybe on the inside it does....maybe it helps stop my disease from affecting my internal organs. Maybe is stops it from progressing. But it DOESN'T help me FEEL better. It doesn't help me get out of bed in the morning. It doesn't help me to get through my day or take care of my kids.

So here I am.....freaked out that the next month or two (or more!) will be bad. Hubby told me that maybe this will work out so that I can go back on the Enbrel (which helped). He also said that maybe this is God's will and it will work out for a few other things going on in our lives. Yes....my hubby said that. Hearing him think like that warmed my heart....and helped me to get through a very dark and sad friday afternoon.

I have to trust in the doctor....because I don't want liver damage. I WILL make it through no matter how rough the next month or so will be. I have great people in my life who will help me. And I have God. and God has me.

God's Blessing

Within the past year we have faced some difficult hurtles. Challenges that keep us on our toes and wishing for a reprieve. In spite of all this I have seen a steady stream of blessings coming to me. Of course I know that everything is a Blessing from our Heavenly Father. I think the blessings that have most affected me within this past year have been the friends that God has given me. There are 5 women in my life right now who are amazing and each of them blesses my life in a different way. Each of them fills a different need in my life.

I will start with Amy. I knew Amy back in high school. We weren't really friends.....I only knew her because she dated my brother. I liked her, but we traveled in different circles. We had different friends....and to be honest I NEVER spent much time with my brother. We didn't see or talk to each other in years, not until we started talking on FB. Not only do we enjoy each others company, our kids play together and we are Neighbors. Right around the corner. Close enough to walk or ride bikes (well....if I could ride my bike). Amy is the friend I turn to first. Good, bad, happy or sad.....she gets the call or text right after Hubby (and sometimes Mom....Hi Mom!!). She is my shoulder, my cheer section and sometimes my conscience. I will ask her opinion on everything. Nothing is off limits.

Next is MA. She was my best friend from 8th grade through High school. We were inseparable. Either we were at my house or we were at her house. Always. It was like we were joined at the hip. She was the sister I never had. Things happened and we lost touch. I NEVER stopped thinking about her. I thought about contacting her family to find out about her. But after all those years it was awkward. I knew it was wrong that we weren't still connected at the hip. But making that first step toward contacting a friend is hard. So I started talking to her brother and EVENTUALLY we found each other on Facebook. Again....Facebook gave me back an awesome friend. MA is THE funniest person I have ever known. It is impossible for me to be in a bad mood with her around. She makes me laugh and makes me happy. Seriously, her just being in the same room fills me with joy. It may sound weird, but it is true.

My third amazing friend is Valerie. She is another one of my brother's ex girlfriends....and another friend I found through facebook. I loved Val when she dated my brother. She was one of those bubbly people. And so darn cute! Now Val is a beautiful Christian woman who lets me vent and lets me be her shoulder too. We could talk for hours and feel like we haven't had enough time together.

The next two friends are new friends. I met one in the fall and the other one last week. But I still consider them to be great friends that I couldn't live without. They both were sent to me from God.
I met both Lorraine and Lori through my MOPS group. OK, not really....at least not directly. You see, after I started going to MOPS I decided to try out that church. I needed a new church, desperately. But that's a different post. My very first Sunday I felt overwhelmed and lost. I was trying to get my boys into the correct Sunday school classrooms and was unsure about what I would do for the next hour. I met Lorraine in the hallway. She basically grabbed me up and said "you're coming with me" . She hasn't been able to get rid of me yet! One day her daughters soccer team was playing my sons soccer team and we had the chance to talk. Really talk. We both have a similar situation with our oldest sons. Just knowing someone who understands how I feel and has been through similar things was like a weight lifted off of me. Finally, someone got it. She "got" me.

My most recent friend is Lori. God crossed our paths at a MOPS play date. While all the other moms were chatting in the other room and the kids playing around them....we took our boys out to her garage to bounce in the bounce house. I don't remember who started talking first but it doesn't even matter. All that matters is that we clicked. In a big way. We clicked about many things but mostly we clicked when it came to our faith. And we both wanted and needed a close friend to share our growing faith. Today R and I went back for a play date. Only this time it wasn't the whole MOPS group. It was just us and our boys. And it was perfect. We talked for hours. It felt like I had known Lori for years. I'm comfortable around her. We both can open up and share. How great is that?!? We made plans to meet every week, so the boys can play and we can spend time together with God. Bibles open, prayers being said and hearts being filled.
It doesn't get much better than that!

Believe me when I say that I pray thanks to the Lord everyday. I thank him for my family, friends and everything God does for us. And I always, always say extra prayers for these special friends. Because I love them....and I need them.

Bad Denise

I haven't been a very good blogger lately. I haven't been a very good blog reader either. Sorry. I really don't have a good excuse. Unless being a mom, wife and patient count.
Do they count?
OK......just so you can stop wondering this is what has been going on in my life.

I visited with friends. Several friends. Old friends. It was awesome seeing each and every one of them.

R peed his pants in Walmart. Yeah, I thought we were over that too. Obviously not.

J has a bad cold. Bad. Poor J.

Poppop isn't doing very good. It isn't anything I can put my finger on....I cant say it is this or that. But he just isn't doing well. He is weak. He looks bad. I'm worried.

I have been to the dentist several times since the beginning of the month....with several more visits to come.

I found out that John Hopkins in MD has an entire department dedicated to Sjogrens. I wish I lived closer to Baltimore.

My husband is back to working full time. That is a huge blessing BUT he isn't in his normal position at work. He HATES what he is doing now. He HATES going to work and he HATES the thought of doing this for several more months.

I have had some good days and some bad days. Today is a bad day. I'm in pain. Apparently my body doesn't like when I am super busy.

hmmmmmm.....yeah, that's it. Boring, right?

I read this passage this morning and it stuck with me....

I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.
My body rests in safety.
Psalm 16:8-9

She is Awesome and so is her view!!

I'm at Amy's. Blogging. Cause she rocks!! She actually took a vacation day so that me and my boys could come play at her house on the river all day. Too bad it's cold out. Too cold to actually be outside to enjoy the river. But I am sitting here typing on my laptop and can see the River. ALL OF IT! Awesome! I want to live on the River. She is SO lucky!


Thanks for spending the day with us Amy and J.

I R smart

I'm either half brain dead or have too much on my mind. Either one is not good. Want to know what brilliant thing I did this morning? I spent over 5 minutes looking for my sweatpants. The sweatpants that I KNEW I had washed and folded yesterday. I looked through 2 baskets of folded laundry. I looked in the basement. I looked in my bedroom and the bathroom. And finally.....finally I found them.


I was WEARING them.

Yep....that's the kind of day I am having.

Please pray!

I just heard that one of the Robotics teams that my son's team competes against had a terrible bus accident. One student was killed and 17 others were injured. They are Team 3125 from the Hartford, CT area.
Please pray for the students, mentors and families.

Toothache

I went Wednesday for a root canal. The whole idea of having a root canal scared the crap out of me (not literally, thankfully!) but my Dentist is pretty cool and hands out Valium scripts to chickens like me. So I took my Valium and headed in there. He drilled on me for nearly 2 hours....YES! I said 2 hours people. THEN he told me that my nerve canal was too thin (apparently its the only part of me that is thin) and that I needed to see a specialist. What?!? Really? It took him nearly 2 hours to figure that out?!? So he filled the tooth in, told me he wasn't charging me and gave me the number of a specialist. When I got home one of my other teeth started hurting. That tooth also needs a root canal. Sjogrens is ruining my teeth. There is no way to avoid it. I use prescription toothpaste and everything but eventually the Sjogrens will win. Dentures are in my future....like it or not.
Ok, back to my toothache story. This other tooth hasn't stopped hurting. I called the dentist yesterday to boo hoo....his office called me prescriptions for an antibotic and vicodin. Even with the vidocin I am in pain. And I don't see the dentist until next Thursday.
So please...pray for me and my stupid teeth. Pray that I get some relief from this toothache. Please.
Me and my tooth appreciate it.

My new Love

Usually me and Hubby combine any money we get for Christmas and use it on bills, groceries, the kids or whatever. This year Hubby wanted to add some trains to his "collection". We are a train loving family so I was all for it. I love seeing him and the kids get all excited watching the trains. Hubby knew I have been wanting a Sony eReader for awhile but it wasn't in our budget. BUT after Christmas he told me to use my Christmas money to get one for myself. YAY! BestBuy had a great sale plus free shipping AND Hubby had a gift card so I could afford one. AWESOME! I even got a pink one. I puffy heart my new eReader. I joined our local library and can download and read ebooks FREE! How great is that?
So if you can't find me.....look on the couch, under my new blanket....I will be reading with a HUGE smile on my face.




Oh...and I have to give a big lovey dovey shout out to Amy who is working some serious magic turning books into pdf files for my new ereader. Amy I puffy heart you too!!!

One Year Devotions for Preschoolers 2

I have several daily devotional books that I read daily. I have one specifically for mornings, one for nights and one for anytime during the day. I love them. They give me a nice quick pick-me-up message from God right when I need them. I never realized they made Devotionals for kids until I was asked to review this book " The One Year Devotions for Preschoolers 2" by Carla Barnhill. This devotional is beautifully written and has beautiful pictures too. My boys know that each day has its own page and message and after reading it we discuss it. I don't know how much discussion the younger crowd would do, but it worked great for my 4 and 6 year olds. Its a great way to incorporate new scriptures into their day and it gives them new ways to look at life. Even though my kids are on the upper range of "preschool" they still love it and it completely holds their attention. That is a big deal when you are trying to find books to read to your kids. I would highly recommend this book to anyone with a baby, toddler or preschooler.

Title: The One Year Devotions for Preschoolers 2
by Carla Barnhill; illustrated by Elena Kucharik
Age range: 3-6 years old
Publisher: Tyndale
Price: $14.99 (hardcover)

This is a Mama Buzz review. The product was provided by: Tyndale for this review."

Happy 2010

I was going to write the ever-popular resolution post, but after failing to follow through on all but one of my resolutions from last year I changed my mind. (Oh..in case you are wonder which resolution I actually stuck with.....I read the Bible everyday and FINISHED the whole thing! this is a habit I plan to continue doing) So rather than make goofy promises that will only last about 10 minutes I decided to look back and see how much my life has changed since 2000. Yep, when the ball dropped 10 years ago things were different. WAY different. We had only lived in our home for about 6 months. C was only 8 years old. We weren't married yet. Hooch was still alive (our boxer). I was working A LOT. Loads and loads of overtime each week. Our finances were in great shape. I was in pretty good shape since we did a lot of bike riding back then. I had a different set of friends, sort of. I had my most favorite vehicle EVER....my Jeep Cherokee (I still love you Jeep!!!). I was not sick. I was not in pain everyday.

Life WAS good.

But life is still good, just different. If I was given the choice of going back 10 years or not I would pass. I can think of a few things I would like to go back and do-over or change but not enough to give up the life I have now. I LOVE my life. I LOVE my family. I LOVE being a stay at home mom who has to budget and stretch every dollar. So no, I would NOT go back. I will stay right where I am.....Happy, Content and Loving my Life!

So Bring it on 2010!

Friday Fill In 2010

1. Last night I actually stayed up past midnight.

2. I'm hoping to have NO surgeries this year.

3. The funniest thing is sharing an inside joke with a friend.

4. It's 2010...so where do we go from here?

5. He said Beer and BBQ; she said chocolate and ice cream.

6. Jesus gave us salvation and it's up to us to ACCEPT it.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Pork and Saurkraut at my mother in laws, tomorrow my plans include taking the Christmas decorations down and joining the library and Sunday, I want to go to church and then my mother in laws for lunch!


Happy 2010!!!